i should know better.

just kidding.  ;)

really, i'm just now starting to figure out what i want in life.

sure, like other kids, i had dreams when i was a kid.  i wanted to be a vet or an astronaut (or both).  but i grew up very poor, and eventually i believed that i just wouldn't get to go to college.  thanks to the vetaran's administration i did get to attend n.c. state, where i got my bachelor's in social work...but then, when i graduated, i couldn't find a job with just my bsw.  i worked in the financial industry for a few years until i got absolutely burned out on it, so, with my wonderful husband's blessing, i took a year off work to try to find myself and what i wanted.

the end result?  finally, at age 30, i know what i want to do with my life, and i'm doing it.  works for me.  ^_^

i think i've met my guardian angel.

once upon a time, i was in the army.  during a training exercise, i fell 30 feet or so and broke my back, right collarbone and right shoulder, as well as bruising some internal organs.  i was rushed away from the site to the base hospital, all the while slipping in and out of consciousness, but at the hospital the doctors decided i would be better served at the university hospital a couple towns over.  while i was waiting for the ambulance that would take me there, another soldier came over to my stretcher and told me not to worry.  he told me to be strong and that, regardless of what the doctors said, i would be okay.  i was barely able to speak, so i smiled at him...he took my hand and kept talking to me to keep me calm until the medics came over to wheel me away.  before he left, he told me his name and said that he worked at the hospital if i ever needed him.

when i was stable enough to come back to the base hospital, i tried to find him.  i called every department in the hospital asking if he worked there, but he was nowhere to be found.  i told my doctor about the encounter, and he said i might have been hallucinating, as a result of the combination of pain and morphine.  but i don't think i was.  i could feel his hand holding mine.  and besides, the hallucinations i had with the morphine were really bizarre, like my trash can moving up the wall or my dad's head turning into the pickle ornament we used to hang on our christmas tree.  there was nothing bizarre about that encounter.

i remain convinced that he was my guardian angel.  maybe he didn't single-handedly save my life, but he gave me the strength and courage i needed to get through the accident and recovery.

when i'm feeling down, i just remember all the people who love me...all my friends, my family, my coworkers...all the people who love me regardless of how much i weigh or how bad my breath might be or what stupid things i might sometimes say or whatever else might be wrong in my life.  i'm so blessed to have a large support network.  ^_^

i have changed much in my thirty years of being, but i have always had a profound respect for life and nature.  i believe that all living things should be treated with love and respect, whether it's a tiny insect, a loyal pet, a majestic tree, or a fellow human.

i could answer this better by writing about where i grew up...few places hold more magic or emotion for me.  i grew up in the mountains of western north carolina, in a valley where my mother's family has lived for generations (and if you take into account that my great-great-grandmother was a proud member of the Cherokee nation, that makes our history there even longer).  i knew every tree, every bend of the creek, every sun-dappled clearing on that mountain...i can still feel the slippery moss on the creek rocks under my feet as the cold mountain water flows over my feet and splashes on my legs.  in my dreams, i still wander the trail between my great-grandma's house and mine. 

now i live in a suburb, just minutes from one of the biggest metropolitan areas in the state.  there are no mountains.  there are trees, but nothing like my home.  it pains me to know that where my house now stands once used to be an open field...in a small way, i am contributing to the urban sprawl that i hate so much.  the people here, my neighbors, just don't seem to have the same respect for nature and her creatures that i do, and that makes me so sad.

sorry...what a downer post, right?

I just did something simple that will make a big impact on someone's life. I signed the International Rescue Committee's Iraq Humanitarian Pledge http://ga3.org/irc/helpiraqirefugees

Over 4 million women, men, and their young children have been uprooted by violence and chaos and have no hope of returning home soon. Families are growing destitute and struggle to find shelter. They desperately need food, medicine, education, jobs, and safe places to live.

The IRC is on the ground providing lifesaving relief. And today, we can help.

For each person who signs the IRC Iraq Humanitarian Pledge, one of their supporters will donate $1 to provide additional lifesaving services to vulnerable Iraqi families caught in the crossfire of violence.

That means additional food, mattresses, clothing, and medical and housing assistance.

Will you join with me and sign your name? It might be simple. But together, we can have a lasting impact on someone's life: <a href="I just did something simple that will make a big impact on someone's life. I signed the International Rescue Committee's Iraq Humanitarian Pledge at http://ga3.org/irc/helpiraqirefugees

Over 4 million women, men, and their young children have been uprooted by violence and chaos and have no hope of returning home soon. Families are growing destitute and struggle to find shelter. They desperately need food, medicine, education, jobs, and safe places to live.

The IRC is on the ground providing lifesaving relief. And today, we can help.

For each person who signs the IRC Iraq Humanitarian Pledge, one of their supporters will donate $1 to provide additional lifesaving services to vulnerable Iraqi families caught in the crossfire of violence.

That means additional food, mattresses, clothing, and medical and housing assistance.

Will you join with me and sign your name? It might be simple. But together, we can have a lasting impact on someone's life:  http://ga3.org/irc/helpiraqirefugees


(yes, i copied and pasted that.  but we're helping a friend move today so time is short, and the sentiment is the same as if i'd written it myself.)
=D

after years being miserable in the financial industry, i'm now working as a librarian at my community library.  i get to plan programs, help organize community efforts, foster a love of reading in my neighbors and their children, and, in some small way, make a difference in my hometown.

so i guess you could say i'm living my dream career.  ^_^

by the way, banned books week is coming up, september 28 - october 4.  celebrate your right to read!

respect for our fellow lifeforms.  we've always got to have the bigger house, the bigger car, the bigger life.  in the process of getting all that, we're using up our resources, eradicting millions of acres of nature and letting ourselves forget just how intertwined we are with our world.

laugh...dance...sing...talk until the sun rises...